When my husband started a new job teaching at a local college this fall, I suggested that he might need some work clothes. Then I braced myself for a fight.

Pretty much anytime I suggest buying something, he protests. He hates spending money as much as I love it.

To my surprise, Mr. Frugal agreed that a couple of new shirts might be in order. And though I was tempted to go on a shopping spree, I bargain-hunted until I found two nice shirts for about $20 each.

After seven years of marriage, is it possible that what began as a bad money match — between an Olympic-class spender and a guy who could carry the same $20 bill in his wallet for a year — is actually evolving into something positive and profitable?

The answer is a tentative yes. That's what I've decided after reading a working paper called "Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage" (.pdf file).

The study confirms that spenders really do marry non-spenders, and that this indeed causes marital conflict (um, yeah). Yet there could be hope in this puzzling attraction of financial opposites.

Why do we do this?

Let's start with the fundamental mystery: Why do spenders marry savers, and vice versa?

This is tough to unravel. While there is a long and rich tradition of stories relating to love (Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliet, Brad and Angelina), we know little of these couples' actual financial habits.

Things don't get much clearer in the halls of academia, where evidence shows that couples tend to be attracted to each others' similarities.

There's a clue in the old saying "Opposites attract," which tends to apply when you dislike a particular trait in yourself and thus are drawn to someone with the opposing tendency, outlook or habit.

The study's authors — Scott Rick, of the University of Michigan's Ross School of Business, Deborah Small of the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania and Eli Finkel of Northwestern — were intrigued by that notion.

In "Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction," they used three different surveys to examine whether people who deplore their own spending style tend to marry those with a contrasting spending style — and whether this is a good thing.

The study found that:

• Most people say their ideal mate would be someone whose money style is similar to their own.
• Despite this preference, people tend to marry their financial opposite. The more conflicted people were about their own spending habits, the more they tended to choose partners with the opposing tendency.
• Those who do marry their financial opposite tend to experience more conflict and "diminished marital well-being."

Lead author Rick suggested that a mate who is unlike you — financially or in some other way — can fulfill a need "for distance from the undesired self."

Unfortunately, living with the differences that once seemed exotic or cute (I used to think my husband's tightwad tendencies were charmingly New England) soon dissolves into friction. "Once you're married and you have to deal with a million financial decisions, it's not so fun anymore," Rick says.

This would almost be funny — if we all hadn't been through the financial wringer with our spouses, wondering: "Why, oh why did I marry him/her? Is it too late to find a hedge fund manager? Or at least someone who understands how our checking account works?"

Fortunately, this study also contains the seeds of encouraging news for those of us who love people whose money habits we hate.

What to do about it?

Consider these wise words from a Women in Red member who goes by "NancyinFL" on the WIR message boards:

"You cannot cajole, cry, scream, beg or threaten your SO (significant other) into changing their financial style of living," she writes. "How many posts have there been ... from people wanting to get their SO on board, and exhausted every possible means to do so?

"I think a lot of the strain comes less from being married to a financial opposite," she continues, "than from trying to change that person into someone they cannot be overnight, if at all."

That seems to be the conclusion the researchers hit upon as well. So, allow me to suggest a new road map to financial compatibility.

Accept it. Whether you're considering marriage or you're already committed to that institution, the evidence is clear: You're likely to marry someone who does NOT share your spending style.

Rather than view this state of affairs as a curse or a failure, accept that this is, to some degree, an occupational hazard of being human (and embarking on relationships with other humans).

Acceptance alone could reduce frustration levels and prevent finger-pointing and blame.

Let yourself be balanced. If you find yourself partnered with your annoying fiscal opposite, consider that, on some level, you probably admire something about that person's way with money (and dislike aspects of your own spending style).

But the truth I've discovered over these last seven years is that my husband helped me cultivate a strength I badly needed — and perhaps on some level knew that I wanted: to rein in my spendthrift ways, live within my means and learn to seriously save.

Conversely, he has become far more willing to spend money, not only on necessities (like our dishwasher), but on a certain enjoyment of life, whether that's occasionally splurging on organic food or microbrewed beer or saving for a vacation. (Although, to be honest, he still thinks that spending more than $200 on a vacation is an insane extravagance. Fortunately, I've been so focused on saving that I can't even argue with him.)

Rick says that this particular study doesn't prove that tightwads and spendthrifts can meet in the middle or temper each other's habits. But he did say that the surveys indicate that when opposites attract, it can be financially beneficial — in terms of greater savings and less debt.

Related Links:

Just married? Make a plan for money matters

The decline of marriage in America

Single vs. married vs. parents. Who spends more?

And, he added, there may be ways that fiscal opposites can divide household duties to play to each other's strengths — and minimize conflicts. "There might be ways, through everyday home economics, that you can work around these differences," he says. "We just don't know what those are yet."

That's OK. The Women in Red are working on a solution.