My husband and I are 28, have good jobs, own a home, and make decent money. While we were on vacation for ten days, we paid my husband's best friend to house sit and water our plants. The friend lives in his parents' basement (always has), so we thought he'd like a place to himself.

I anticipated it might be messy, but he set the thermostat four degrees cooler than we do, which more than doubled our normal electric bill, and we came home to a backyard full of dead plants. I know it's just some plants, but it's more that he showed no respect for our home and didn't do what we PAID him to do. I feel like he should pay us for the electric bill and offer to replace the plants, or at least give us back what we paid him. Is that out of line? He's pretty much shredded his relationship with my husband because he was so disrespectful of our home (oh, I didn't even mention the kitchen-disgusting), so that's not a concern. I just don't know what's fair to ask.

Would you house sit for me sometime? You sound responsible, detail-oriented, neat, and thrifty-exactly the kind of person I would trust with my stuff. In fact, you might be appalled at my housekeeping.

The point is, people range vastly in their conscientiousness about how they treat their property-and yours. Part of this is maturity — this guy sounds like he's never lived on his own, and maybe just needs to grow up — but part of it is just personality. I would be as irritated as you are to come home to a yard full of dead plants, an extra $150 in electricity charges, and a filthy kitchen, on top of being out whatever you paid your friend to look after the place. The primary lesson here is that Mr. Deadbeat just ain't housesitting material. That doesn't mean he's a bad person, or that your husband's friendship with him should be over; it just means you shouldn't entrust him with any future responsibility.

Since your husband has known this guy for so long, he should be the one to talk to him. He should tell his friend that the two of you were seriously disappointed by how he held up his end of the bargain, and that you were especially sad about the loss of the garden you'd paid him to tend. Unless you were explicit about his covering utilities, I would let go of the electric bill and whatever you've already paid him, but it seems fair to request that he contribute toward the plants. (In future housesitting arrangements, be sure to say to leave the thermostat alone!)

Whether he comes through or not, try to move forward without giving up on the relationship completely. Some friends make great dinner companions, but you just can't leave them holding the garden hose.

Related Links:

My landlord lost a month's rent after I moved out. Can I still ask for my $200 deposit back?

Do I have to go to your school auction, just because you sponsored my marathon?

Is it OK to buy clothes I'll chuck after the season?