I know my mom gets joy out of shopping for me, but I pretty much hate everything she's ever bought me. It makes me sad to keep things I'll never wear, and it makes me sadder to return things that I know she spent a long time selecting. Is there a nice way to tell her to stop buying me things?

Just reading this question makes me cringe in sympathy. Many of us have at least one relative in our lives who is generous in exactly this misguided way. We react to their gifts of garish cardigans and unwearably frumpy pajamas with a mixture of gratitude, shame, amusement, and horror. Is our brilliantly honed personal style entirely lost on these people? How do we stop the charade?

All this is multiplied tenfold when the giver is not just some distant great-aunt, but your mother. Whether this makes the problem easier or harder to talk about depends on your relationship, and on her personality. If you're fairly open with each other, and she's a relatively frank and easy-going person, I would just tell her (gently) how you feel. Say, "Hey, Mom, I love that you buy me presents. But my taste can be kind of quirky, so when you're thinking of getting me something to wear, maybe run it by me first, or even get me a gift certificate." Even better, if you live close by, you could suggest that you go shopping together — that way she can buy you something that you love and that fits.

If you have a more distant or difficult relationship, on the other hand, or if you know your mom is the type to feel attacked or deeply saddened by your addressing the problem directly, it might not be worth it. Which is worse: your sadness at returning the occasional piece of clothing or taking something to Goodwill, or the emotional fallout from a confrontation about it? Take your best guess and act accordingly. And look on the bright side: your mom loves you and wants to shower you with gifts, albeit hideous ones. Someday you may feel nostalgic for these awful but well-intentioned presents.

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