A monkey? Kraft dinner? A green dress? Barenaked Ladies' frontman Ed Robertson explains his $1,000,000 spending spree
First things first: Do you still eat Kraft dinner?
Now I make homemade mac-n-cheese. And there's no excuse not to: it's so friggin' easy. You can make an amazing cheese sauce in the time it takes to boil noodles. It takes five more minutes than making Kraft Dinner.
A million dollars seemed like the most money when I was a kid. If you wrote this song today, would it be different? Have you thought of redoing it with another 0 or two at the end?
When I wrote that song, it was the most ludicrous amount of money I could imagine. And now I could make 22 seconds of Avatar with it. All songs need to be adjusted for inflation. Sometimes we play this song at big corporate charity events and fundraisers, and I look out on this room of investment bankers and entertainment industry moguls, and we'll say, "I can see you guys out there thinking, `How badly would I have had to fuck up to only have $1 million? How abysmal would my performance have to be?'"
It's a very silly song. At the time, what were you thinking?
In 1986 or 87, I was a camp counselor, and I wrote that song on the bus on the way home from camp — to entertain the kids on the way. It started out, "If I had a million dollars, I'd replace so-and-so's pants ." It was a song I could sing for 45 minutes, and just keep making stuff up. When I got home, I was like, I wrote this song, and it's pretty good.
Were you wooing anyone specifically?
Not really. Ultimately, it's a sweet song about trying to maintain normal aspirations when you have what seemed to me a ludicrous amount of money at your disposal. It was about trying to not let the things you want change.
The New York Lotto used that song in TV and radio spots. How many people do you encounter who only know you because of the commercials?
When you do mainstream things like that, to some people, that's what you are. Hey, you're those guys from that Mitsubishi commercial. Yeah, but we've also got 13 albums. We've been a band for 21 years.
After 21 years, you must actually have a million dollars. Has your outlook changed?
I try to remain fairly true to that outlook, oddly. (Band member) Kevin Hearn's first cousin is Harland Williams, the comedian, so he comes and hangs out with us when we're close to LA. We were in Vegas one time, at the $2 blackjack table and freaking out about having $10 down on a bet. Harland was like, "You guys are the worst millionaires I know." I drive a sedan, live in a normal neighborhood. I lead a pretty modest life. I watch MTV Cribs and I go, I probably make more than that guy. I know I make more money than that guy, and he's got three Bentleys and a mansion and crazy stuff.
What was the craziest thing that you did buy?
I don't have any crazy things. I don't have a $20,000 watch. I don't have a crazy sportscar. I drive an Audi A3 — it's the cheapest Audi, which frustrates my friends who are car freaks. I do have a float plane. But it's a Cessna 206. It's not a D-Jet.
How does your wife feel about the song? If I were her, and you ever said no to me, I'd be like, "Funny, you buy that woman in the song all those things."
It's about buying modest things. And we do have a house and some furniture.
The Barenaked Ladies, besides maintaining their high spirits and mac-n-cheese lifestyle, recently released their 11th studio album, All in Good Time. They kick off their U.S. tour May 8 in Atlantic City.
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Life as a street musician: New Orleans swing revivalist Ingrid Lucia
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